Reese's BIG Dress Debacle!

'Walk the Line' winner REESE WITHERSPOON, and Hollywood tart if you ask me, learned some stunning news at Monday's Golden Globes® event, and we're not talking about her exciting win for Best Actress! NO! Miss Witherspoon got herself a call from Miss Chi-Chi, herself.

Miss Witherspoon mentioned that her dress smelled of cigerettes, booze and bleach?!
Turns out her vintage, couture CHANEL dress was actually a RE-RUN, and the exact same frock worn by Miss Chi-Chi Royalis-Culpepper back in 2003 to some Golden Shower Globes after-parties.

Despite the mishap, Miss Chi-Chi and CoCo Chanel have "double air-kissed" and made up, having grown up together in the early thirties. And reps for Reese released this statement to the Insider's Horace Culpepper this morning: "Although it was disappointing that the dress still had some ‘Miss Chi-Chi stank to it, and had already been worn, Reese looked beautiful but would never look as glamorous and beautiful as the stunning Miss Chi-Chi.'

GOLDEN GLOBES, EVENING GOWNS, DIAMONDS…OHMY!

Golden Globes means on one thing to this ole’ Miss Chi-Chi…..every stinkin’ designer in the world is calling my house to get me to wear their damn old rags. Tom Ford comes kissing my feet, Karl Lagerfeld licking my knees, and old Rasputin himself, Yves St. Laurent comes banging my back door trying to get in and make me wear some hideous frock to the Red Carpet

Well Miss Chi-Chi won’t be brought down to the masses wearing some K-Mart blue light special, like the one old Tommy Ford tried to slam down my throat….no-ser-bob, Miss Chi-Chi will be flashing down the Red Carpet in her Favorite Designer: Hubert M. Pickering, Esq., designer to the stars and hair-weaver of the heavenly.

And that dog-faced Joan and her side-heifer daughter better not same one damn thing about my dress this year, ‘cause I’ll be body-surfin’ her face across the red carpet and digging my heels in her back…..don’t think Miss Chi-Chi won’t, you know how she is when she’s been caught up in a limo with a bottle of Southern Comfort.

Here are few of her favorites, but you have to watch the show to see which one she picks!

COURT APPOINTED VOLUNTEER-ISM

Well at this point in the game, I ain’t even able to remember his name, but all I know is hiding out in a Rest stop bathroom is nor legal in most states, I SWEAR, not even in my beloved North Carolina. Hell, if you ask me, and that damn judge didn’t, he didn't look like an undercover policeman. And you ask any one that’s been around Miss Chi-Chi a time or two, that cop learnt a life time of experiences….

Well that all said, Miss Chi-Chi found her self in some court appointed Volunteer-ism down at the Wal-Mart. Supposed to teach me something ‘bout being nice. I don’t know what the hell they thinking making me a Greeter, but tell you and me that didn’t last a day.

Now I’m doing my volunteer work down at the local meth clinic…that’s another story….all I can say is them boys sure are SWEET on Miss Chi-Chi….

The GOLDEN haze of Hollywoodland

With all of Hollywoodland a buzz with all the awards shows coming up, well Miss Chi-Chi just got her self a thinking…thinkin’ bout all them shows, the Golden Shower Globes, the People Choice-less Awards, the Gay-time Emmy’s and the supreme of the supreme, that giant golden china-driver: Mr. Oscar Myer Mans

Well it just takes Miss Chi-Chi back, back to them days of checking out nasty little redneck be-otches at the Piggly Wiggly in Spivey Corner, NC. Lawd Girl, let me tell you ain’t nothing worse then the smells of some damn hick on hotter then hot southern day. Girls getting all stinking and such, well it makes Miss Chi-Chi wanna throw up, that’s what.

I remember the day I ran away, I slipped poppa the tongue and ran, ran so fast my feet swelled, swells so big I jump on the ole Greyhound bus, damn near got touch for free on that bus…but I made it the rest of the way to Hollywoodland, you know that’s what they called it back then….

Back when I was a STAR….a bright big shining STAR….here are a few pictures from them days……

My Boyfriend Jake gets HOT nods

INSIDER TV has just named their Hot Bachelors of 2006 They're the guys whose broad shoulders and dazzling smiles make Hollywood seem like "Hunkwood." The kind of men that makes Miss Chi-Chi RED hot. Tonight, they're counting down the buffest, most desirable star bachelors of 2006!
Well my SECRET lover JAKE GYLLENHAAL is named one of the hottest.
What those damn fools don't know is that he is TAKEN, BITCHES, TAKEN DO YOU HEAR ME UUURRRRGHH!!!!!!! GET UR PRETTY LITTLE PAWS OFF HIM, I TOOK THAT LITTLE TROLLUP FORMER GIRLFRIEND KIRSTEN DUNSTHEAD AND MADE HER ALL BROKE-UP MOUNTAIN, DON'T THINK I WON'T DO IT TO YOU...JAKE IS MY MAN, GOTS IT? MY MAN!

Miss Chi-Chi 

CLEAR THE ROADS HONEY, MISS CHI-CHI IS COMING TO YOUR TOWN!

That's right little kiddies

MISS CHI-CHI ROYALIS IS COMING UR WAY.....SOOOOON!